Caffiend V

So, just as I'm deciding what sport to traumatize myself with, to replace my caffeine addiction, I find this article in the news. I will quote the entire article here instead of posting a link, because it might be removed from the MSN site in the future.



Quoted directly from MSN Health and Fitness:

The Caffeine Advantage.

Everything you need to know to think faster, exercise harder, and live longer.

By now you'd think scientists could close the book on caffeine and move on to other mysteries, like why anyone would ever order a chai latte. After all, coffee and related beverages have been revving people up since, oh, the 15th century. And in the past 60 years, researchers have conducted more than 21,000 studies on our favorite stimulant. That's an average of one new study a day through all of those decades. (Those nutrition scientists may have gotten into their own stash.)If we don't know caffeine by now, you may well ask, when will we know it? And do I have time for a fix while I'm waiting?Make it a venti, and sit down.We'll explain a few things. First off, caffeine is a complex compound. And it's made even more so by America's preferred delivery method,coffee. For instance,caffeineraises blood pressure, but habitual coffee drinkers are half as likely to die of heart failure as those who don't fill their mug daily. And while caffeine spikes blood sugar, a java habit may help you dodge diabetes.
Confused? Then use this primer to learn how to consumecaffeineto your advantage — at work, in the gym, and for overall health.


The Biology

To understand how a double espresso can take you from dead tired to completely wired, you first need an introduction to the compound adenosine. Right now, adenosine is coursing through your veins, and its job is to put the brakes on your central nervous system. You might call it nature's chill pill. That's because as your day progresses, adenosine builds up naturally in your bloodstream, causing you to slow down and become sleepier — a convenient way to let you know it's time to turn off Conan and recharge your batteries.

Adenosine accomplishes this total-body shutdown by plugging into adenosine receptors — like electrical cords into outlets. "These connections inhibit the release of neurotransmitters, which are chemical messengers that control both brain and muscle function," says William Lovallo, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Oklahoma. "As a result, both your mind and your body slow down."

But as it turns out, caffeine is an excellent adenosine impersonator. In fact, when the two rivals jockey for the same parking space, caffeine wins. "If caffeine is plugged into the adenosine receptors, adenosine can't do its job," says Lovallo. "And this causes your central nervous system to run at a faster rate." Thus you experience the classic and often sought-after caffeine jolt. Here's how to make it work for just about every part of your body.

Be smarter for life: Refill your cup three times a day. Harvard researchers have determined that men who drink 4 cups of caffeinated coffee a day are half as likely to develop Parkinson's disease as those who skip the java — presumably because caffeine keeps dopamine molecules active. What's more, blocking adenosine may slow the buildup of amyloid-beta, a toxic brain plaque that's associated with Alzheimer's disease.

Your Brain

The Science: Soon after your first sip, caffeine begins to work its magic by causing the release of dopamine. Dopamine is a brain chemical that stimulates the area of your gray matter responsible for alertness, problem solving, and pleasure. "You have that feeling of being activated, sharper, and on the ball," says Lovallo. "And you can also experience a mild mood-elevating effect." All of which goes a long way in explaining why there are around 9,000 Starbucks outlets in the United States, and more opening every day around the globe.

Be smarter instantly: Down a cup of joe just before your next meeting — it'll boost your mind power for about 45 minutes, according to a recent Austrian study that directly measured the impact of 100 milligrams (mg) of caffeine on brain activity.

Be smarter for life: Refill your cup three times a day. Harvard researchers have determined that men who drink 4 cups of caffeinated coffee a day are half as likely to develop Parkinson's disease as those who skip the java — presumably because caffeine keeps dopamine molecules active. What's more, blocking adenosine may slow the buildup of amyloid-beta, a toxic brain plaque that's associated with Alzheimer's disease.

Your Heart

The Science: Adenosine helps blood vessels relax. But once caffeine infiltrates the receptors that line vessel walls, your arteries constrict, causing your blood pressure to rise. In fact, research has shown that blood pressure may increase by as much as 10 points in nonhabitual drinkers. Yet when Harvard researchers tracked the coffee intake of more than 128,000 people, they determined that drinking more than six cups of coffee a day didn't boost the chance of developing heart disease. And last year, scientists at Brooklyn College found that men who drank 4 cups of caffeinated coffee daily had a 53 percent lower risk of dying of heart disease than those who never took a sip.

"If you don't have hypertension to begin with, the temporary blood-pressure increase from a cup of coffee isn't a problem," says Matthew Sorrentino, M.D., a cardiologist and professor of medicine at the University of Chicago. "Plus, the impact on blood pressure tends to be smaller in habitual caffeine drinkers because their bodies become somewhat tolerant to its effects."

Take your health history into account: If caffeine makes your heart race or skip beats, you're probably genetically sensitive to the stimulant. "Although this may sound serious, symptoms such as palpitations are actually considered innocuous, unless you've had a recent heart attack," says John Kassotis, M.D., a cardiac electrophysiologist at SUNY Downstate, in Brooklyn. Still, Dr. Kassotis suggests playing it safe. His rule of thumb: If you think you're caffeine-sensitive, consult your physician to determine if you should limit your intake.

Stick with antioxidant-rich java: Scientists aren't sure whether it's the caffeine or the antioxidants in coffee — or a combination of the two — that provide the aforementioned cardiovascular benefits. But unless you're caffeine-sensitive, go with the leaded variety. Research shows that antioxidant levels are decreased by about 15 percent in decaf.

Your Muscle

The Science: Because caffeine revs up your central nervous system, it slightly increases your heart rate and breathing rate, both of which help prepare your body for peak performance. Caffeine may also have a direct effect on your muscles. Here's how: Calcium must be released within a muscle fiber in order for that fiber to contract, and caffeine may block the adenosine receptors attached to muscle fibers, triggering electrical activity that prompts bigger bursts of calcium. "The result is a stronger muscle contraction," says Terry Graham, Ph.D., a professor of human health and nutritional sciences at the University of Guelph, in Ontario.

Jumpstart your workout: Studies show that consuming 140 to 400 mg of caffeine 30 to 60 minutes prior to exercise can improve both speed and endurance and make your workout seem easier. But to achieve those effects, researchers have used either caffeine pills or caffeinated soda. The reason: "Many other chemical compounds in coffee appear to counteract caffeine's ability to impact your exercise session," Graham says. Now you know why energy drinks were created. Looking for a boost? Try Celsius, which is sugar-free and contains about 200 mg of caffeine per 12-ounce can. To determine if it's enhancing your performance, be sure to monitor how it impacts your exercise session both mentally ("My workout seemed easier" or "I felt like I was dragging") and physically ("I completed more repetitions" or "I didn't improve").

Use caution: If you have heart problems or a family history of heart disease, avoid high-caffeine energy drinks for 4 hours before exercising. A 2006 study in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology determined that 200 mg of caffeine decreases bloodflow to the heart by up to 39 percent during exercise because it constricts coronary arteries.

Your Liver

The Science: When your central nervous system is activated, so is your body's fight-or-flight response. This causes the release of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. These in turn signal your liver to pump sugar into your bloodstream. After all, had you been in a truly stressful situation — say, face-to-face with a cranky barista—your body would need that sugar for quick energy. But in everyday life (read: sitting at your desk), extra blood sugar is the last thing you need, because it signals your body to store fat and increases your risk of diabetes.

Keep your blood sugar in check: Forgo the sugar in your coffee and you'll actually reduce your risk of developing diabetes, according to multiple studies. For example, in 2005, Harvard University researchers determined that drinking 5 cups of coffee a day cuts in half the risk of developing diabetes. Scientists aren't sure why coffee may have a protective effect against diabetes, but credit its high level of disease-fighting antioxidants. While visiting Starbucks, we recommend a Caffè Americano, which is coffee at its finest: strong and flavorful, but sugar-free.

_______________________________________

Interesting article, yes? After reading that, I think I'll put aside Extreme Sports for the moment. I must re-think my stance. Weigh the pros and cons. Is caffeine good? Caffeine bad? With all the damn studies going on, who the hell knows? Is it worse than killing myself by attempting to climb a bunch of rocks with nothing to hold me up but a nylon rope and some metal clips? Or should I just relax and sip my nice, hot coffee and let Wonderbra hold me up instead? Nylon and metal clips...with hot coffee, OR nylon and metal clips without hot coffee. Just icy wind and black, jagged rock. Not a very tough decision, when I look at it from this angle :P Coffee!! I might get the sporty Wonderbra, just to make myself feel like I'm not missing out on anything. Maybe I'll even get energetic, and watch sports on TV while wearing my sporty Wonderbra. The sky is the limit, really.

Caffiend IV

Today's Runner Up:

Highway 40, The Met.

Pah, how bad can it be? A road as an Extreme Sport?? Well.. Here's the thing. I live in a major Canadian city that is quite old. And this old city has some equally old roads. The antique highway I speak of was built in the 1940's. It was created to carry cars that had an average speed of 40mph and no suspension to speak of. And far, far fewer of them. Now, whirl this old ribbon of asphalt into the year 2008, where my car abides, it with the comfortable cruising speed of 80 to 120mph and the ability to run circles around it's own sassy self should it choose to do so. Thankfully, this ability saves my ass on a daily basis. I use it to avoid being crushed to death by tanker trucks and to avoid being flipped over cement walls.

The highway, for most of its inner-city length, is suspended about 20 feet in the air. This makes the asphalt colder, icier, and far slipperier than the roads connecting to it, giving one a false sense of control as one rides up the on-ramps. Once you leave the relative safety of the side roads and hit the raised section, you realize that up here all bets are off, careless drivers abound, and your life hangs in the balance. Your tires lose traction faster. Your escape routes are non-existant. If someone cuts you off, there is not much you can do about it, swerving means certain death if you hit the ski ramps. More on the ski ramps soon.

This raised highway to hell is called The Métropolitain by the locals, and consists mainly of three narrow lanes in both directions, with cement medians preventing you from falling off of it. No shoulders to pull over onto, should the occasional fool run out of gas (weekly) or have car trouble (bi-weekly) or become involved in an accident (geezus, people). The resulting backlog has to dribble around the offending automobile(s) until the police and 15 towtrucks show up, slowing traffic considerably, raising stress levels to match. Independant towtrucks, fortunately, are never too far away and are quick to remove the offending vehicles. I don't know how they manage to show up so fast, I think they hover like buzzards around a dried up watering hole, invisible until something looks like it's gonna die.
Like buzzards, they are quite efficient at what they do, which is fine by me.

The rainwater that falls on this highway is supposed to run off through an antique drainage system that leaves a hell of a lot to be desired. The drains seem to be constantly blocked. This results in large puddles of water collecting in splashy pools along its entire length. Try hitting a 4 inch deep body of water when you are doing even a mere 30mph on black ice. Montreal drivers have nerves of steel.

On a side note the Decarie section of highway is below sea level, and one day water levels rose higher than the hoods of peoples cars after an afternoon storm. Some poor guy drove a wheel into a sewer after the manhole cover was pushed off by the force of the water coming up from below. He was angry. :P So were the people sitting on the roofs of their cars waiting to be rescued. The towtrucks would not venture anywhere near them and rescue teams had to be sent. I'd have been pissed, too, but I can swim, so no big deal. Montrealers took it in stride, and kept on truckin.

Back to the ski slopes. In winter, the cement medians along the raised section get snow packed up against them, melting occasionally, re-freezing, creating little ski-jump slopes along the entire length of the highway. Someone sued the city once because their families car lost control and hit one of these icy snow ramps and shot up over the cement wall, flipped in midair, and landed upside down 20 feet below on the service road, killing all inside instantly. The public was enraged. Complaints were made. The city learned a valuable lesson. Now every month the entire highway is closed off so the city workers can clear the snow away from the cement walls to prevent such a thing from happening again. In the meantime, we gotta take the side streets. This inconvenience has resulted in people get their panties all in a bunch, even though they were the ones complaining about the risks. Fools. Speaking of courtesy, and I must, I notice that driver courtesy has slipped in the last few years. Sad thing, if you ask me. Now people just cut you off without so much as a middle finger salute. I miss that. It meant they were aware I existed..now I just feel invisible. Kinda scary, but I guess I'd make a good towtruck driver :P

Back to the driving. Now let's discuss the bigass trucks blasting along at 70mph in lanes only one foot wider than the average car. The speed limit along this patch of highway is only 50mph...out-of-town truckers do not seem to realize the danger they are in and whip along at the speed of light. If a flatbed truck happens to be hauling a bulldozer, you ain't passing it unless you use up a lane and a half to go around it. And if the driver can't stay in the middle of his own lane, he'll take up some of yours, but that's okay, more Montrealers need to learn how to share, anyways. If a truck decides to change lanes, you better haul your ass out of the way, cuz he's coming over whether you like it or not. And whether he sees you or not..and whether or not it involves crushing you up against a cement wall or running you up onto a ski slope take-off, giving you enough speed to make Don Garlits proud.

If you can survive the trucks, do not underestimate your fellow drivers. The angry, stressed, frustrated, irritated, late-for-work, rude-ass drivers on their way through town on a highway that was never intended to support this kind of traffic in the middle of a busy city. My favorite part is where the highway splits in two directions, leaving the driver in the middle lane to decide which way he is going...left, or right? Sometimes they cannot decide, and pull back in front of you just as you speed up to pass them. Lovely! Thereby forcing you to head straight for the icy ski ramp in the middle of the road and the inevitable lift-off... The last time this happened to me, things were complicated even further by the huge truck beside me that splattered my windshield with icy slush, blinding me completely and forcing me to turn the wheel and follow the curve of the road using only memory. Having traveled this highway a million times, I managed it. I can only hope such a thing never happens to someone without such experience, they'll be flipping in midair and collecting a nice tidy sum from the city.

We take our highways in stride, but you can tell when out-of-towners are driving along. They go too goddamned slow. I remember years ago one of my boyfriends telling me he would not even drive on this highway, that it was a nightmare and a death trap. And that he would not come to visit me because of it. I had to go pick him up and drive him into town! Hahaha! What a pussy. Well, what do you expect, he was from Toronto. >:]

When it storms, the plows don't bother with the Met, they know we can plow it ourselves by building up enough speed on the on-ramps and immediately throwing our cars into well-controlled, ice-enabled Tokyo drifts. Hands down, this highway is an Extreme Sport. I risk my life every single day just driving to work. Piece of cake, baby. Piece of cake. Granted, if I ever stop blogging, you'll know why: the ski slopes got me.

Might as well go out screamin.

Caffiend III

Today's runner up:

Snorkeling.

Again, you say, such a sissy sport. To which I must reply, HA, just try it. And no, not in your backyard pool, fool. I mean out there, in the deep blue yonder. The big, blue wobbly thing. The real ocean. The one with the sharks and rays and jellyfish.

Hawaii, in fact. Home of the 30 foot skull-crushing killer wave, the guardian of the sea. To get past it takes a certain amount of bravery (stupidity) and sheer physical ability. Even balmy day, teensy little seven foot waves are strong enough to knock you off your feet and drag you under, roll you around like a mean-ass swamp gator, slam you into the sand and the rocks, saltwater invading all your orifices. Then the roaring in your ears hypnotizes you and your petrified brain starts to hallucinate from the lack of oxygen, tells you to relax, just breathe in...you want to, right? You want to just close your eyes and breathe... you can, yes, you can, breathe...underwater. The ocean says so. And you feel so drowsy and just want to breathe in the pretty ocean. And you want to take a nice long nap. Hahaha! No wonder men believe in mermaids :) Hell, yeah, the ocean is a she, and she will Do You In if you trust her, do you in and suck you under and make you hers, oh hell yeah, in a New York minute. But I digress.

Once past the waves (and the accompanying undertow strong enough to light an entire village for a year, if only such raw power could be harnessed and diverted to Hydro Quebec so we could sell it right back to the States and make a killing...so to speak) it's pretty easy from there. We managed to find, with some local help, a nice, sandy, safe bay in which to snorkle without fearing that the next wave would drag our waterlogged, hallucinating bodies a thousand miles south to Fiji. In this wonderfully protected lagoon the lifeguards only had to worry about the little old ladies falling off their little old floating foam boards and getting stranded on the slippery rocks, their gargled squawks for help competing with the childrens happy laughter on the shore as they search out seashell treasures. And the blub-glubbing of snorkelers paddling about, distracted by the pretty porites and not paying attention...

So into this idyllic, picturesque day go I and the girls, all fitted out in our snorkeling gear. Off we swim into the crystalline blueness. We paddle joyously about in 10'-25' deep, crystal clear water, diving occasional to the bottom to check out interesting coral formations (damn them porites) that resemble giant scoops of glistening pink ice cream. Sea turtles swim by lazily, safe in the knowledge that it is illegal to pester them.

I see Rockmover wrasses flipping rocks over on the bottom of a particularly nice porites formation, searching out goodies to eat. So I dive down to check them out. A flash of color catches my attention out of the corner of my eye. I turn my tunnel-vision mask, intrigued, only to find myself staring straight into the demonic eyes of a Picasso triggerfish. A mere six inches long, with the regal bearing of Hawai'is State Fish, and every majestic inch of her is quivering with righteous indignation and smouldering anger at my trespassing upon her breeding ground. I freeze instantly. The part of my brain that still functions tells me that I cannot outswim this angry, torpedo shaped creature with a jaw strong enough to crack open clams as though they are made of eggshells.

Thus petrified, I stare stupidly at her like a deer caught in the headlights. Freshly released urine warms my legs. I blink, then flinch, and the action moves me closer to her. Undertandably, she takes this as a sign of aggression on my part, and starts swimming menacingly towards me. Suddenly my feeble brain kicks in (survival! thank you, ancestors, for giving me sheer gut instinct!) and I turn my back on her in an attempt to mollify her by showing her that I am now taking my leave of her royal court, as she is way too much fish for me, thank you very much.

I glance back only once, hoping that she will be satisfied and will not rip my left asscheek apart with her pitbull Jaws of Death, Doom, and Dismemberment. But she does indeed seem to be mollified by my retreat. Perhaps my size helps...5 foot open ocean predators are not exactly notorious for stealing the castles of triggerfish, and she heads back down towards her kingdom. Err, pile of rocks.

I honestly did not know, until that moment, that I could sweat underwater.

Caffiend II

After some serious pondering and deep, methodical thinking, I have decided upon my Extreme Sport of choice. But beforehand, I would like to list the runners-up, and my reasons for disqualifying them.

Todays Runner-Up:

Tobogganning.
Sure, you say. What a totally sissy sport. But notice that kids toboggan, and adults do NOT. I discovered why the hard way. Picture this: A bright blue sky, a lovely snowy white hill, laughing children. A nice, long, steep, snowy white hill. Beautiful sunshiney day. Children laughing! and sliding! Tumbling and falling, running back up to slide again...wheee! Looks like fun!
However, few people stop to consider the math. The average tobogganing child weighs approximately 80 pounds. Multiply this by the surface area of the toboggan, and then the slip speed. Slip speed varies from vehicle to vehicle...a wooden toboggan has a much slower slip speed than a piece of convex plastic sprayed with Pam. If you double the weight of the rider and factor in the surface area and slip speed, you go from having a cute photo op to watching a potentially lethal weapon wipe out everything in its path.
In my case, in my path loomed a solid wall of hay piled neatly along the edge of the park. Some city-slicker park employee must have decided that a wall of nice, soft hay would prevent people from sliding out onto the street. What city slickers do not know about baled hay is that, once wet, it will freeze solid into a two-foot thick wall of unassailable, bulletproof granite. Obviously, no one was ever meant to get anywhere near these deadly bales of hay. Because hitting one would be bad. It would be really, really bad. It felt, in fact, almost like I was hitting a solid, unassailable, bulletproof granite wall.
So. Factor in my weight, my daughters weight (95 pounds) and the slip speed of an over-inflated three foot inner tube. I saw it coming in plenty of time to turn us around so that I hit the wall instead of her. She bounced harmlessy off of me. I, between her weight, our speed, and the frozen wall, was popped straight upwards at the speed of an unladen swallow. I flipped in midair like the most delicate ballerina, then belly flopped onto the sidewalk with the same splatting sound that pigeon crap would make after falling from the height of a 50 story building.
Thank God for the Poop-n-Scoop laws. Seriously. Thank you, God, that I did not land face down in a nice, steamy-on-the-inside, frosty-on-the-outside, winter pile of Great Dane crap. Might have softened the blow, mind you. But then I wouldn't be able to do this neat trick where I can see my vertebrae where my belly button used to be.

Come On, Harding. Play The Game. Play It!

Yes, another incoming mindless rant. Not everyone has the time, talent, intellect, or imagination to create a nicely done blog, I continue to see. Granted, there are enough crappy blogs out there to make people think twice about having one of their own. But as far as I'm concerned, that should only make people to want to create better, nicer blogs to outshine the icky ones. Not enough just to Keep Up With The Joneses, let's outshine them.. Distract the eye from the unsightliness of the rusty trailers and piles of old tires in the neighbourhood, and such. Ya know? Clean it up. If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the oyster. I mean, the world is your problem :P oyster. Solution. Fucking clichés.

Granted, not everyone should create a blog. I've seen proof of this with my own two blackened, still smoking, blistering eye sockets, which is what's left of my eyes after reading some of the radioactive crap out there.

I think people need to be braver. Do not fear the written word. Just do it. Let go, release your inner creativeness. But dammit, do it well! We demand quality! We demand fun! Laughs! Guffaws! We demand something be done, because until some decent blogs come along to entertain us, you all just gonna have to put up with me entertaining us with my ranting, slavering, drooling blog. HA HAA! HAAA!

I know. It seems strange to be asking for quality, while urging every Tom, Dick and Hairyass to start a blog. I just figure that at some point, the lottery factor will kick in and we'll find a winner hiding behind the radiactive glow of those 50 gallon drums of toxic blogness.

It saddens me, the lack of fun. People have to stop taking life so seriously. Drink a beer. Run with the HHH. Write a blog. A funny one! You, with the graphs, pay attention damn you!