St. Valentine's Day. Men hate it because they are smart enough to know that no matter what they buy, they're gonna screw up. Women know that no matter what they ask for, men will screw up. How such an incredible lack of communication can continue to exist year after unholy year between couples that have been together since the dawn of time I cannot understand.
My husband is the perfect example of this communication malfunction. For years I have been adamant in my insistance that he not buy me flowers. They die. The pretty petals fall like snow onto the tabletop and lie there, stunned and confused. Terribly sad thing, the death of a beautiful flower. Painful to watch. Like plants >:/ He buys them anyways, the poor deluded man. Why? Because he has been brainwashed with sex by all the women before me, and apparently, that works. No matter how I try, I cannot convince him that flowers ain't cutting it for me.
Why does our society place such importance on watching beautiful flowers die a slow, wilting death, anyways? And by flowers, I mean the more they cost, apparently, the better. The more exotic, the more artistic the arrangement, the more the female of the species becomes intoxicated. I just do not get it. Why do men buy them? Well, duh. Why do women want them? Seriously. WTF?? One of my girlfriends once tried to explain to me that the beautiful flower symbolized his and her beautiful, sexual relationship. I asked her what it meant when flower petals immediately started hitting the table like dead flies, and she gave me a dirty look and stomped off in a huff.
So I continue to ask people...how does this translate to romance?? How is watching something spectacular wilt and wither and wail in silent sorrow supposed to be romantic? The metaphor is way lost on me. What I see...."Hey, honey, check this out! It's a hundred dollars worth of death! It symbolizes my dicks reaction to your controlling, manipulative ways, you antagonistic bitch! HAHA! HAAA!"
Really, what are people thinking??
Know what women should be saying? "Buy me jewellery. How's that for manipulative? That way, I can hock the damn thing after I catch you cheating on me, you thoughtless, insensitive bastard. HAHA! HAAA!"
What. Just sayin.
Happy St. Valentine's Day, people. I think..
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2 comments:
While I agree with you, ever consider the situation from the Flowers perspective?
Ordinarily, they sit around together in vacant fields, grocery superstore bins and the unappreciated casket adornment , experiencing the kind of boredom normally reserved for those moments idling away in a dry cleaners waiting room.
By taking them into a household in the form of a valentine truce, anniversary plead for forgiveness, etc, we extend to them the privilege of observing the universe's superbowl of soap operas.
They see and hear every catty remark, sexual subterfuge, abnormal solo moments when we think were *alone*. and more.
The days of our lives become the seconds of their last ecstasy filled moments.
Who are we to deny them these last honors?
disclaimer: I own interest in FTD and several local flower shops.
I never looked at it that way! Thank you! I really do need to adjust my perspective from time to time, and thankfully, you are just the person to help me with that.
Shelties rule. Hee!
The flowers in my home, unfortunately, get nothing more than boring old death. Oh dear.
*sigh*
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