Who gets sick in the spring? Seriously. A full strength, force ten gale head cold, fully equipped with excruciating sinus headache, swollen glands, bucketloads of phlegm, drippy, red, irritated nose. Put me flat on my back, heavily medicated and wishing for sweet release. No sex involved there, either, more's the pity. Hard to feel sexy with a double lungful of virulent germs and a fifty gallon drum beside my bed for all the snotty, soggy Kleenexs. Ewww. Not to mention the accompanying attitude of "touch me and you die" that seems to come free of charge with all of my head colds/flu's.
Lovely.
And what kind of messed up God is up there, anyways.. Religion is all well and good, but one has to wonder at the cruelty of a celestial being that allows such painful thing. Just downright uncaring. And I've completely missed out on spring. One minute it's cold and windy and I'm hauling myself around all wrapped up in polar fleece, and the next thing I know, three weeks have slipped by and it's 95F and I don't have a thing to wear. Not. A. THING. Except for this raggedy-ass tee shirt that I dug out of the back of my closet, full of holes and practically see-through, that no self-respecting hooker would even wear on a slow night with no prospects in sight.
This is the crux of my problem, really. I've completely missed out on the spring shopping season. On the wonder and enchantment of seeing all the new spiffy spring shades, the fads, the fashions, the flowing, flowery, summery fabrics. And the joy of that first pair of sandals spotted in my fav shoe store...the wonder of it all! All gone. I missed it. Now the stores are full of autumn colors. Autumn shoes. Autumn sweaters...is that...polar fleece I see??? And even if I could find spring clothing, I have nothing to wear to go shopping. Do you see the sick irony here? Dear God, how can you do this to me? What have I ever done?
And what moronic retard fashion expert decided that spring clothing should be sold in mid-winter, and autumn crap sold in spring? Why must women be forced to buy seasonal clothing an entire season and a half beforehand?? What kind of sick, twisted society thinks this is acceptable??? Really.
The horror. The HORROR.
My head is spinning. Spinning, I tell you, from the sheer horror of it all. Or maybe that's just the cold meds wearing off. Hard to tell, really. All I know is, it's hot, muggy, and I'm sitting here typing in the buff because I have Nothing To Wear.
Maybe things will improve and it will rain soon, and I can throw on last years raincoat and go shopping. Obviously, the umbrella ain't gonna cut it. Just hope the cold meds don't cause me to run around flashing all the old men hanging around the mall. Haha. Ha!
*sigh*
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