Why Be You When You Can Be Me?

So I'm looking around, and I don't get the indication that very much has changed. I'm talking about low self-esteem in women. There has been a pretty serious movement against low self-esteem issues in women for the last ten odd years, but I still see too many chicks out there with low self-esteem. I think I might have to help them somehow. Not sure exactly how, but I feel strangely driven to do so.

Perhaps I can start here, start small, work my way up. It's not like I'm Oprah, I don't have the money, the power, the abilities she possesses to help others. All I have is myself and my sarcastic little blog. Well, everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Here goes. What the everlovin fuck is wrong with you women? Why you gotta whine all the damn time about every little pokey shitass thing?? We're a first world country, fercrissakes, we have everything we need! We have education at our disposal, money, jobs, homes, families, children, pets. Thoroughbred automobiles!! And yet...whine whine whine! My ass is too fat, my boobs are too small, my hair is the wrong color! WHINE! My maid quit! WHINE! My poolboy won't service me! WHINE!

Here is my thoughtful, sensitive advice to you women...shut the fuck up, go home, kiss your dog, pat your husband, and send some money to a third world country where people are being blown to bits and left on the side of the road, you self-centered, indolent, spoiled rotten bitches.

Guinevere, Queen Of The Fucking Universe, has spoken. Off with their heads!

Don't Put Off Until Today What You Can Do Yesterday.

Almost an entire week has flashed past without me posting anything. I feel absurdly guilty :P but I guess no news is good news. Whatever the hell that means. No news could also mean communication lines are down and we're all gonna DIE DIE DIE long before the Cavalry comes.

Did you ever notice all the stupid, redundant and downright illogical shit that we say? That we learned from our parents and they learned from their parents? Here's a good one..."Better than sliced bread." What kind of fucking useless lazyass society thinks that the act of cutting something as soft and easy as bread is such hard work that pre-slicing it becomes the worlds greatest invention?? Does anyone recall the days when, in order to make a loaf of bread, you had to grow a field of wheat first??? Anyone?? Cut it down? Mash it? Kill someone for a starter culture of sourdough? No, no. Nowadays, buying it without it being sliced first is the sign of a hard worker. Wow. I mean...WOW.

Here's another one..."As easy as pie." Easy? Pie is easy? The last time I attempted to make a pie, the pie plate caused the microwave catch fire and the neighbours had to call the fire department. Anyway, I really think it's time we start updating our clichés :P We must adapt. It should say "As easy as Pi". In fact, all clichés should be dragged kickin and screaming into the twentysomethingth century. The old ones are about as useful as tits on a model. Get to work, people. It's not like you're spending all your time slicing bread. Remember, an idle mind is the Internet's playpen.

:P